I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
