why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
