You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
