whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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