A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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