Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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