I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
