Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
