This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
