There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
