i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
