How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
