why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
