I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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