Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
