i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
