can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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