have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
