yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i need some magic done to my vagina
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
