Sry I called you an 8
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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