i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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