Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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