ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
