Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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