I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
