I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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