My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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