No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
