I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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