The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
