I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
