im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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