I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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