the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize