I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
