he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
