I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
