i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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