Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
