I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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