I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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