At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
