They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
