You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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