Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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