Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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