Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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