It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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