Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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