i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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