I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
