yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
