i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
