12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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