The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
