I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
