nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
