Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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