We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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