haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i love accidental penises.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
