At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
