Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
