hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
