I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Randomize
