spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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