Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
