and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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