mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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