Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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