dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
