Pants 0. Shit 1.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
