I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
