is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
