glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
