I just cut my nipple shaving
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
