Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize