forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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