Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
