Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is the high leading the old right now
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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