you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
