she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
